What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 08:55
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Is it wise to choose your family over your honor?
Comes on , in middle age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I will be 64.
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What should I do to stop being angered easily?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How is digital marketing important for business?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We were not on the streets..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
What would TERFs do if there weren't such a thing as being transgender? Who would be their target?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My life is so biszare .
How is Sola Scriptura incoherent?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
Do you think Japan will have same-sex marriage by 2030?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Is it possible to revive a dead person in real life with black magic?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When she asked me how she looked .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But, we were locked up after school.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was in good health!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i lived it daily.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I write beautiful poetry .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was seconnd youngest,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
She loved him until the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My family never makes their pension either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I said to her
She married twice! .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
He knew the spot.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I think the readers, may guess!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So whats the point in blame.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It was going to be , some day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She found it foreign!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What did i know ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But ive been too sick for many years..